Zombie Theorem Read online

  Zombie Theorem

  Dark Times

  Book 5

  Written by James Wallace

  James Wallace

  Copyright © 2018 James Wallace

  All rights reserved.

  ISBN:

  Dedication

  To Sherry and Adam. And as always to my children Max and Bubba, you are my guiding light in the darkness of life. All my love…

  This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment upon purchase. This eBook may not be traded or sold to other people. If you want to share this book with others, please purchase an additional copy. If you are reading this but did not purchase it, please return it to where you got it from. Thank you for respecting this author’s work.

  Please don’t forget to leave a review! Authors rely on YOU, the reader, to help widen their audience through word of mouth and feedback. Getting stars and good reviews help us on our way.

  Thank you for reading!

  Acknowledgments

  Thank you to the following, whom without I would never have published any of my awesome books. Tanay Williams, my best friend, I can’t live without her (No really!). Sarah Kamasz, David Wallace (Fabulous Editor and advisor), The Allen brother’s Will and M.C. (Malleus Publishing), Mike “The Machine” Evans, Ricky Fleet (My Daisy). Thomas and Tina Watson and all my friends on the IAC. To my Beta Readers; Leslie Bryant (Momma), Jon Spielman (The mad American German), Maly (Peach) Copeland, Brian (Fluffy) Coomey, Karen (Call me Dianne) Dziegiel, Kim (Aim High) Kelly and Tracey (Dolphin) McCall, thank you for all your help, support, kick in the ass when needed, and kind words. And finally, Elks Bend Lodge 1371 (95% of this book was written there.)

  CONTENTS

  Revelations

  It Starts

  Eau de Zombie

  Say Again

  His ass is proactive

  Lead onward Sasquatch

  Ghostrider

  Red headed step child

  Enjoy almost getting to third base

  Probably the corn in some Zombie shit

  You better have Periwinkle

  I don’t need an ass kisser

  I need time to do girly things

  Got it Starchild

  Good one wise ass

  Gomers on the stairs

  This is my Big Baby

  No Dan

  Round up a posse

  Get the wheels in motion

  That’s mighty fine of you Bucko

  Hold onto your butts

  Fingers

  Alice

  Celer Silens Mortalis

  Don’t fuck up

  Weps launch the Skinny

  Włochaty chuj

  He walks in both worlds

  You look like shit

  Amazonian Warrior Of Lore

  A gift

  Wow aint you a cute one

  Asclepius

  The Queen of what?

  Bored out of their minds

  And then one

  It’s in the top five

  Thanks for staying classy

  This is not up for debate

  Thank you

  There goes the neighborhood

  Consider yourself drafted

  Revelations

  I really do not know how to start this journal thing. Dan Welko, my best friend, boss, and brother made this look easy. I guess I could start by telling you who I am. My name is Brian Leeder, I am a Marine, or at least I was. No, that is wrong, I am a Marine. My instructor in boot camp once told me there are no Ex-Marines; “Once a Marine, always a Marine.” There are just inactive or dead ones. Wow, I really got sidetracked there, didn’t I? I know right about now you are wondering why I am writing this journal like thing and not Dan. I tell ya, I wish he was writing this instead of me. I think what I need to do is start off by telling you what has happened since the Boss’ last journal. I really hate describing this as a journal. So instead, I think I will tell you a story using reports from others, rumors, and my first-hand knowledge.

  It Starts

  I watched Dan leave with that big bearded Seal named Butch. I felt a little jealous at first, that was my job, but I let it go. Dan was everyone’s savior now, and we all would protect him to the last of us. I turned to Chun and said “That man is going to lead us all to success. I hope you know that.”

  “That he is, but in the meantime, we are going to be in for the fight of our lives.” Chun cracked his neck and knuckles. “All right, gentlemen. The Boss gave us a directive. Let’s get to it.”

  I decided at that exact moment that we would make it through to the other side of this battle. We had nothing but the best leaders possible fighting with us from the front. From my brother Dan, to Kuppers, Hase, Chun, and General Richards we could not lose. I would not let us. I explained quickly to Chun what my job had been during the last fight.

  “Excellent, I always liked Marines, mostly smart ones.” He patted my shoulder and looked around the room, for someone. “Hashkeh! Get your big Navajo ass in here.”

  The door darkened as a large Native American man entered, having to turn sideways to allow his mountainous wide shoulders to fit through the opening. “You called Lt?” The man quietly asked.

  “This here is Brian, a Marine, but don’t hold that against him. He oversees the defenses and the Anti-Tank Missile, teams. Sit down with him and help him plan out whatever ideas he has.” Chun raised his eyebrows and wiggled them as he spoke.

  The man named Hashkeh examined me with his hooded eyes. “I like Marines, they fight like warriors. Please walk with me and explain your ideas. I will see what I can do to help.”

  Chun quickly turned and started working with Kuppers and Vic as we left the room. “It is so good to have you guys here. We have been put through one big ass grinder over the last couple of weeks. We are low on everything except for food, chemicals, and fuel.”

  “Were the large oil-soaked pits your idea?” The man ignored my information, or filed it away for later, I couldn’t tell which.

  “Kind of yes and kind of no. I worked up the idea, but the Boss is the one that got the work done. We had planned to ignite them when the enemy closed in. But the attack happened faster than we had planned on. Thanks to the traitor in the scientist group. I like what you guys used them for though. Burning the bodies was a great idea.”

  “Yes, disease from the dead is still deadly. What do I call you?” The man stopped and placed his arm against my chest.

  “Please not by rank or any of that crap. Brian or Sasquatch, either or both, up to you.”

  “You may call me Hashkeh. In my culture, it stands for Angry Warrior.” He spoke in a quiet way and with no expression.

  “What are you so angry about?”

  I have no idea why I decided to fuck with this man. Honestly, I was just tired and after being around Dan and his stupid jokes, it rubbed off on me. Hashkeh met my gaze, which not many men could, to be honest. First, I am a giant of a man, secondly most people read the “don’t fuck with me attitude” I exude.

  “You mean not including Ridder, their overlord masters the Culling Initiative, and the dead, stinking, hungry, rotten meat bags?”

  “I guess those are enough.” I laid off the man.

  “My village named me after seeing what kind of man I would become.”

  “Someday you need to tell me more about that story.” I walked away, and he followed me toward the burning trenches. This would be the best place to point out our defenses, if the wind cooperated and blew the smoke away from us.

  “Brian, when this is all over, I would be honored to sit and share some drinks with you and speak of stories, good and bad.” I kind of liked this guy, not like how I did over my boyfriend Lewis. But more of a cousin, or fellow Marine. For a Seal, he was a good man, not an egotistical ass like most of those guys tended to be.

  We stopped near the burning trenches and I pointed out the peaks I had set the AMT teams on and gave him the skinny on how many rockets we had left, which wasn’t many at all. I explained how an AC-130 had saved our asses along with a flight of F-16s and F-22s. He nodded as I spoke and examined the battle field using his practiced eye.

  “We do not have any heavy weapons with us, but I will do my best to help you shore up our defenses and prepare for Ridder and their dead hungry weapons. Come let’s go sit and put our heads together.” We walked away back toward the semi destroyed facility.

  Eau de Zombie

  Dan still walked with a limp from his spill down the stairs caused by his Sasquatch Brian, who had tackled him when the upstairs structure collapsed. His hip hurt, and his back was a sea of bruises. He tried to “man” up and ignore the pain, but he wasn’t as good with it as the hardened men around him. The mountain of a man, Butch the Seal, followed at a discreet distance, letting Dan do what he needed, but close enough to protect him if the situation turned ugly. Dan entered the garage and made a bee-line to Apache. He found her and Hase sharing a precious bottle of Coke, they somehow had become owners of. He waited till she looked up at him. She took on the look of a deer caught in the headlines of a fast-moving truck.

  “Yes Dan, what can I do for you?” She got to her feet and gave him a good look over from top to bottom. She saw the tired and pained expression in his eyes. She knew exactly what he needed but knew he would not ask for it. She laid a soft hand on his shoulder. “Come with me, I need to check you out.” She tilted her head down to catch Hase. “I am going to check on the Major here, why don’t you keep Butch busy for a moment?”

  Hase wanted to ask what was up
but clocked the look in Dan’s eyes. “Yeah Honey, go take care of the Major.”

  They walked away, and Butch took a proffered seat next to Hase. “So, what’s the story on you and the superhot killer you seemed to be attached to?”

  Hase turned his head to watch Apache’s rear end sway as she guided Dan to a discreet place, so she could work on him. “Met her a long time ago while under fire in a big desert. She was one hell of an Army warrior and kept up with me. We saved her entire platoon, and side by side fought back a shit load of ISIS and Taliban assholes. I think the ones who got away still tell stories of the woman warrior who killed their friends and brothers. After she left the force, we drifted apart as she became an elite SWAT member of a top team in San Francisco led by the man you call Iron Man. She and her team followed Dan out of San Francisco and Northern California. He was the drive and brains that guided them through the unknown. She, her team, and what’s left of my Delta team all believe in that man, Dan. It’s almost like he has been chosen by the...” He stopped speaking and looked upward as if he could see through the numerous feet of concrete and compressed Earth to see the sky outside. “My man Heaven, would say God has chosen him, I am a little more cynical, but I am quickly becoming a believer.”

  Butch scratched his chin through his beard, tilted sideways and let lose a ground shaking fart. “Sorry been holding that in. Those MREs are killing my stomach. It’s hard to believe those things are really “Meals Ready to Eat”. I see something in that man too, and I barely met him a couple of hours ago. Iron Man sings his praise, and that man and I were in the shit together.” He adjusted his loaded combat rig and scratched his crotch. “Do they have a laundry room in this place? My skivvies have been turned inside out and backwards so many times I can’t figure out which way is front.” He grumbled.

  Hase threw his head back and laughed a belly filled roar. “Yeah swabby. When the big man goes downstairs there is a fully stocked laundry service and clean uniforms. No one wants to see a Seal walking around buck ass nude. You would make the rest of us warriors look like hormonal teenagers.”

  Butch gave Hase a knowing grin and chuckled. “I really need a shower,” Butch saw a pained veil of loss roll across Hase’s eyes for a moment. He jutted his jaw toward Hase. “Hey brother, how many?”

  Hase shook the intense feeling of loss off his shoulders and looked up at the big Seal. He really wasn’t sure what the man was asking. “I’m sorry?”

  “Men, how many did you lose?”

  Hase took in a deep breath and held it for a moment before speaking. “I lost two of my men, who have been with me since I took over this little group of rag tag warriors.”

  “Losing men never gets easier. I figure while you were coming up in the ranks and other teams you have lost men, but it is not the same when you are their leader. Trust me, I have lost more men than I wish to count, but I learned not to mourn them. I know they sacrificed their lives for the betterment of our mission and love of their fellow brothers. They now stand at the gates of Paradise, at the right hand of God ready to take on any demon or foe that threatens it. I see losing a man like the Norse and Viking warriors did. I honor them, and I am jealous of their accession, but I will see them again when it is my turn.”

  Hase pursed his lips and thought on Butch’s words. He was right, he and his men had vowed to spend their lives in order for others to live. He should be honoring them, not mourning them. “You are one smart ugly son of a bitch, Butch. Thank you.”

  Butch reached over and patted Hase on the shoulders. “You are going to be alright. Just keep your rudder pointed in Dan’s direction, and your finger on the trigger. We will be victorious brother. Want to know how I know that?”

  Hase gave Butch a curious look. “How’s that?”

  “Cause mother fucker, I ain’t heard that fat bitch sing, just yet.” Butch leaned over again and let out another ass blast, filling the area with noxious fumes.

  “Oh my God Butch! You might need a doctor to check up on you,” Hase pinched his nose closed and tried to breathe through his ears.

  “You like that huh? I call it Eau de Zombie.”

  “Call it what you want. I think you need help, serious help at that.”

  Dan came back just then and stopped dead in his tracks as the deadly ass gas hit him. Apache came up to his side and pinched her nose. Apache gave Hase a look.

  “Not me love. That was all from the Seal.”

  “Holy mother of God. Are you okay Butch?”

  “You like that?”

  “You are not allowed to follow me anymore if you keep doing that.” Dan spat out.

  Butch got to his feet and smiled. “No problem sir. I will hold it in and only let loose when around the regular troops.”

  “Alright Butch I got shit to do.” Dan gave Apache a quick hug and stalked off toward the door leading into the facility with Butch right on his tail.

  Say Again

  “Say again. Over.” A man dressed in combat fatigues shouted into his radio.

  “You need to speed up the column. Those people in our facility have been strengthened by a couple of Seal teams. We also picked up some C-130s heading in their direction. Command believes they are possibly being resupplied by a Marine platoon. Over.” The voice came through the radio speaker and a storm of static, pops, and whistles.

  “How do you expect me to motivate a horde of dead to move faster? Over.”

  “General Johnson said to split the column up and send your fastest vehicles forward, while the rest of you push the horde forward. Over.”

  “Oh, so we get into position to fight with half of our equipment and men, and then have to move on the run during a fire fight as the dead are pushed up our ass? Tell the General he is an idiot. Over.”

  The voice changed on the radio as another voice came through yelling. “This is Supreme Commander of Seattle. You have your orders, I expect you to follow them. Or I will bomb you and all your men into oblivion! Over.”

  The man rolled his eyes and rubbed his face before answering. “Roger all, Supreme Commander. Will we have any air support? Over.”

  “I can only spare two F-15s right now. They will soften up the facility before you get there. Over.” The original voice came back on the speaker.

  The man dropped the radio he had been using and patted his driver on the head. “Sergeant, pull to the head of the column.”

  “You got it Major.”

  The up-armored Humvee sped up and slowly moved to the front of the column. The major grabbed a different radio tuned to his men. “This is Major Riley. We have been ordered by the Supreme Commander himself to split the column. Wraith, Ghost, and Poltergeist follow me. The rest of you keep your position and drive that horde forward. Over.”

  A chorus of Roger came through the radio, as well as a bunch of questions over the stupidity of the orders. The Major reminded them that they were chosen by the Supreme Commander to obliterate the enemy from their stronghold, and reminded them of the dire consequences, if the orders were not followed. That quieted everyone down as he and his three platoons pulled away from the convoy. Riley wished he could’ve taken the tanks and heavy artillery with him. His entire plan had been destroyed by the idiots who were supposedly in charge. Now they would be useless, no way would he be able set up the artillery to fire on the enemy as he was locked in close combat with them.

  His ass is proactive

  Dan put the radio down and drained the cup of cold coffee at his side, made a sour face and closed his eyes. The news he just received was two-fold. The good side was that General Richards had provided two C 130’s full of supplies and Marines to help them survive the next attack. The bad news came from Amanda, his replacement in the intelligence department he had commanded. She said, she had relayed an intercepted call to the Ridder convoy heading in their direction. She explained that they had been ordered to split the column up. Amanda used her sattelites to count the vehicles and estimate the number of men and weapons. Most were Humvees armed with basic weapons, but she had determined that a force in full strength of two hundred men were in the convoy.

  “Well that is not exactly what we wanted to hear Major but should make for an interesting time.” Butch spoke up from behind Dan.